There is much to be said about dealing with negativity, and each reader will most likely have horror stories. I write on this because it is something we deal with almost daily.

A-Positives and O-Negatives

I've come to the conclusion that although I know next to nothing about chemistry or physics, I've learned to recognize what I call A-Positive and O-Negative people. Had one of these calls lately?

"Hi, how are you doing?" "I've been so sick all week, even the doctors are puzzled. My blood pressure is sky high and I hurt all over. On top of that, the neighbor's dog killed the cat, and John lost his job." "Oh my!" (long pause) "I called to let you know that we are going to be great grandparents again, isn’t that neat?" "And that irresponsible son had another car wreck, our insurance rates are through the sky. I'm so mad I could just scream; yadda, yadda." By now my blood pressure is rising. And this call is on my dime~

I wonder if I’ll ever remember not to ask people how they are! I was excited about the news of our new great grandchild, but now I'm thinking to myself: "Why can’t these kids understand that it's expensive to raise children these days. They should have waited until they had better jobs and a bigger apartment or house; how irresponsible! I sure hope they don't ask me to baby sit while they both work."

Sounds like a classic O-Negative, doesn't it? Sometimes we need to distance ourselves from those who think primarily of themselves and are a spiritual or emotional drain. We may need to set a family member down and say "enough." It may also be a good time to repeat Ps 19:14 "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." (Italics mine)

Prov 12:18 "There is one who speaks harshly like the thrusts of a sword, But the tongue of the wise brings healing." Responding in the negative resolves little.

Prov 22: 24 "Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, Lest you learn his ways, And find a snare for yourself." I've never really pondered this particular scripture, but it speaks volumes. (Monkey see, monkey do???) Perhaps this is a good reminder that negativism generates negativism and I’m finding that this is more of a struggle as time creeps up on me and my circle of activities and friends seems to narrow.

James 3:7,8 reads as follows: "For every species of beats and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed, and has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison." Ouch.

Effects of a negative spirit:

Negative people can turn an absolutely wonderful, beautiful day into mud in about five minutes. Negative, angry, self-centered people often suffer a multitude of physical problems but would never agree that their attitude could be a major contributing factor. Many are raised in a negative atmosphere beyond their control.

Some acquire a negative attitude because it is an effective form of control.

The irony is, negative, angry people seldom realize or admit they are negative - they're happy to dump on others, thus avoiding responsibility for their own actions or attitudes. Without realizing what's taking place, we gradually take on those same symptoms and characteristics. Now we have two negative, angry people spreading icky germs of negativity and the cycle continues.

Overcoming a O-Negative spirit:

Remember, if I call and say, "Hi, how are you?" it doesn't mean that I want the latest complete medical report, or comprehensive list of family problems - maybe I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you! Perhaps I had a specific joy to share with you, but it no longer seems significant.

In Contrast - A gentle spirit:

Scripture is filled with the wisdom of a having a gentle spirit. Phil 2:3,4 tells us: "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interest, but also for the interests of others." Let's also look at Col. 3:12,13: "And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against any one; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you."

How do you deal with the O-Negative:

I'd like to hear from my readers how they deal with negativity. I would prefer not to deal with it at all, but to do so would be a life of isolation in the mountains. Even there, I could encounter one mad mamma bear in a very negative frame of mind so escape is not an effective solution.

One way to minimize our own negativity is to take a personal inventory. Some tough questions would be: Do I dominate a conversation? Do I really care about what the other individual has to say? Am I listening or only hearing? Is my mind racing to put self up front again? If you dare, ask a friend to take an inventory with you. It may hurt to find out how others perceive you, but wouldn't it be better to ask the Lord to help you make some changes where necessary?

Summation:

Am I always in a positive frame of mind? Much as I’d like to say yes, it would be over extended ego speaking! What a joy and blessing are those friends who can find the positive in negative situations. I welcome reader input into how they deal with negative friends and relatives in a biblical way. It would be interesting to do a follow up article using reader responses

Copyright 2000, updated 9/2008 by Lillian Hines for The Christian Online Magazine